Will Simpson's Notes

Most Things Are Not About You

Have you ever found out you've misinterpreted a friend's or loved one's behavior? It happens to me all the time. This lens on life plays a major role in all my interactions and is the primary cause of strife in some relationships.

It is the reason that when Mary takes so much time to get ready to go to town, I think she is unable to focus on the task at hand. My assessment is uncharitable and based on my inner world and not hers. The judgments I make of the behavior of Mary say more about me than her.

We make bad explanations for unwanted behavior. We tend to see others as bad actors in negative situations, while we see ourselves as having logical reasons for all of our actions. This is because we don't have access to anyone else's inner life.

Fundamental attribution error and correspondence bias are related to this defect in our social wiring. We are not unique to you and me. It has been a universal glitch in our wiring since a time when it was evolutionarily imperative to quickly simplify interactions.

Self-awareness is a never-ending, life-long journey. Pausing before passing judgment is a form of kindness to others and yourself.

This is a behavior and mindset I’d like to develop.

  1. Curiosity interrupts judgment.
  2. Empathy challenges assumptions.
  3. We are in this life together.
Link: What taking the uncharitable read really says about you | by Kim Witten, PhD | Medium